maybe it’s just me, but i am really having nothing but ??? on my mind right now. i know that tons of books have been written about the differences between men and women and why we will never understand each other and are still so attracted to the other half…
i understand that you guys need your freedom, that you want to enjoy the comfort of a relationship on the one hand but on the other hand you don’t want to feel like you are in a relationship because there could always be the chance that there is a “better” person out there. sometimes this comfort we women give you is so convenient that you seem to forget after a couple of years why you are actually together with that woman who is sharing your life with you.
if you are really in love with a woman, you run away as fast as you can because you are afraid of your feelings, of this confrontation with your feelings and it’s much easier to have someone next to you where you can do your stuff and you don’t have to be emotionally involved and don’t have to be controlling…i have to admit i feel a bit lost in this space out there and i begin to doubt that love is a real thing. maybe it’s just something we want so hard that we either run away from it or dive into and go on dreaming even if the love has already evaporated…
men November 10, 2009
Sales Thriller November 4, 2009
yesterday i found a present in my mailbox – a book written by my ex-boss – piet buyck. it is the story about a newly hired COO that takes over his new responsibility at a software company in munich and has to speed up sales. he has 3 months to succeed, otherwise the company will face tremendous financial losses. it is a real sales thriller. i couldn’t stop reading – a real page-turner and was really eager to learn how the story ends.
i immediately thought that every single sales person in the world should read this book and learn about the turbo sales methodology. or that every company that has the same trouble with a non-performing sales team should invite piet for a workshop and share the knowledge and learn.
my career changed from being a pa to the board to being self-employed as a business developer and my approach is the same as the one mentioned in the book – and i can proudly say that i survived 5 years in my business surrounding with my clients always coming back to me with projects, etc. it offered me a different career and my success.
i am also not denying the fact that i am mentioned in the book as peter jordan’s secretary – what an achievement – i can say that i have a small part in a book!!
if you are curious, order the book: http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/turbo-sales-a-sales-thriller/1211046
Om or Darth Vader October 14, 2009
Tonight I finally detected “Darth Vader”. The one that always breathes heavily during the yoga class. Do you know that it took me almost 2 years to find out who that person is? OK, the “one” is only attending once a week, whereas I am attending 2 classes a week but that is really tough. I mean, in November I am entering my 3rd year of yoga practise. So I have been learning so much about the flexibility of my body and my mind – to be awake – and to learn and listen… And still it takes me such a long time to find out. You know, there are the ones who enjoy a nice chat before the yoga class starts, or the ones who long for some quietude and some stretching and relaxing postures… The ones who fall always asleep during the practise of Yoga Nidra (falling asleep is what you are NOT supposed to do – you are supposed to stay awake)… tonight I had my mattress right next to “Darth Vader”. The only reason why this person came back into my mind. And it’s not what I expected. AT ALL. I thought it might be a big, heavy person – instead SHE is small, tiny, red-haired and breathing like a ROBOT. How come? Genetic wonder? I’ll leave this up to the variety of human beings. We are all beautiful, right??
Demi Moore’s Secret October 9, 2009
I really wanna know what Mrs Moore put into Ashton Kutcher’s drink when they met for the first time. It is not understandable how a guy in his midtwenties can keep up with a woman that already had a marriage of 13 years behind her and 3 daughters. I don’t want to be intolerant, but I’ve made my experiences with younger guys – and I can just say that there are worlds between the way of thinking, behavior, maturity – tons of misunderstandings… Maybe what makes it more difficult is if both partners don’t speak the same mother tongue… I am full of admiration for the Kutchers that they seem to get it work with an age gap of 16 years!! From my experience I have to say – no way. Even if you’re speaking the same language, there is a difference in expressing your needs or just daily life, how to approach problems or having a simple discussion about something. Maybe I am just saying this now coz I’m heartbroken… till the next young beautiful guy walks along and find his way into my heart that seems to have so many scars now that I sometimes don’t even know how to survive the next day. And Demi, should you happen to read this, send me your recipe!!!
mind overflow October 6, 2009
today i went for a walk during my lunch break – in my most favorite place (paper valley). lately i had too many thoughts on my mind (sometimes i am asking myself if my brain ever takes a break) and when i have too many things on my mind and i am longing for some peace i usually go running. as i hurt my foot about 4 weeks ago (distortion of my left ankle) running is out of the game at the moment. i think my foot needs another 2 weeks to be up & running again. i guess that’s what we agreed on today…
my “blessure” basically forces me to go slower. but when i have the feeling that my mind is too full i have the urgent need to move, otherwise i have the impression that i am exploding or imploding. don’t know.
ahhh, so you’re curious to know what’s going on. right. i guess i am owing an explanation here. i guess it’s everything. i have a troubled mind coz my divorce (d-date as i tend to call it) is only about 5 weeks away now – as i haven’t really been on holidays this year i feel a bit imprisoned (yes, even though i am living in paradise) and i feel like escaping to another place. sometimes i really feel like this place is too small for me and this world too traditional and “spießig” as we say in german. i love the italian mentality, the weather, the language… but i am really missing some intellectual input.
i feel like it’s time to move on, i just haven’t found the direction yet. i feel like i should go sailing for a week. clear my mind and then decide where i want to be in a year from now.
into pieces September 10, 2009
it’s been a year now, since i realized that i absolutely don’t want to be married anymore with the guy that accompanied my life for almost 17 years. our relationship had been falling apart for quite a while then (slowly slowly for 2 years) but realizing it is a totally different story.
it’s been a tough year – but a year in which i have really fallen into pieces and had to put myself together again – i had to learn from my mistakes, reflect on a relationship that in the end had become something that i never wanted, or expected myself to endure for such a long time. it is hard, very hard. in the beginning you have tons of days where you think that you’re not gonna make it, you have lost the content of your life so to speak from one day to the other. you suddenly understand that you have been following a path that was never yours and trying to fix a relationship for years that was built on the idea of being perfect, but was only perfect because it was imbalanced – it was perfect for my ex, who could play his games and do his stuff whereas i was kept busy with the company and our daily life. i am not saying he did this on purpose, we both followed our childhood patterns, him being the spoilt single child and me being the one putting my needs aside how i had learnt it at home, and mothering him and believing that one day i would get all this back…. what an illusion…
i have learnt so much during this year that i am more than willing to grow and understand myself better and that is such a good feeling. knowing that you can rely on yourself that there are million of happy moments, people you met on this journey who come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime???
after all the dark days where i cried so many tears and had been angry with myself and my ex – finally!!! – there is so much beauty out there and i am thankful for this journey that will hopefully last for a very long time!! and remember: never give up. how dark the days may be, how many tears you shed…whatever it is, you’ll make it and it will make you stronger!! and you will be rewarded for your sufferings!
life in italy is good, when you’re a woman June 26, 2009
just wanna pass on this episode. i tried to pump up my rear tire of my bike today, instead of taking in air, within 2 seconds that thing was flat as i had never seen it. so i decided to go to the next gas station (pushing my bike in 34°c) and asked them to do that for me as i am obviously not smart enough. turns out that thing had a hole!! guess what happened. one of the guys (nicola) from the gas station took me in his car to the next shop where i could buy a new inner tube for the bike, i got a reduction because i didn’t have enough money in my purse and they put the whole bike back 2gether 4 me and even wanted to invite me 4 a coffee!!!
divorce petition June 26, 2009
got the divorce petition today. what a strange feeling. all the time u’r feeding yr lawyer with the necessary information and then all of a sudden yr marriage ends up in 9 pages of paper that consists of nothing but “values” whatever that means and you feel like u’r reading something about another person and not yourself. on the other hand it feels good coz u can move forward now and u’ll soon be able to close a chapter of yr life.
typical summer eve in italy June 11, 2009
i am sitting on my bed, enjoying the panoramic view from my window onto the lake and the mountains. the water has a beautiful dark blue color, the lights on the bottom of the mountain look like perfect pearls in a row. i just came back from a stroll along the lungolago (lakefront) and i really enjoy the scenes that happen right in front of your eyes. tonight all the fishermen were catching fish, probably right after the full moon, the water is full with them and this year is a good year because the lake is filled with water right to the top. the children play, the mammas talk with their girlfriends discussing the childish joy of their men when catching fish. here and there you hear german and british – old italian ladies bragging to british couples that they can count till 5 in german (not kidding), the italian youngsters on their vespas, couples kissing while enjoying a glass of red wine… children playing soccer in the sand – probably discussing more who has to fulfill which job than really playing, but who cares!!
these evenings my eyes fill with tears and i know why i am living here. and hopefully i will be able to enjoy a lot more of those vivid evenings…
i am single… June 7, 2009
for the first time in 17 years. what a strange feeling. just like that from one day to the other you are becoming a single person – whithout someone at your side. funnily enough the strongest feeling i had was relief. i felt like some weight was lifted of my shoulders. it felt good. i feel free.
it’s good to discover your talents and weaknesses and just discover yourself without being mirrored by another person! life is rough and sometimes you feel like you will not make it and then all of a sudden there is a strength inside of you that tells you that you will overcome what ever comes next. even the days when you are literally falling into pieces and crying – it’s all healing!!! i better read this blog myself when the next crying wave is coming!!! 
i’ve had it all – days where i didn’t feel like i’d even know that person i am looking at in the mirror – other days where i am feeling overly confident and beautiful (inside and outside) – many days where i didn’t like myself… i went from being heavily underweight to “normal” weight, which for me feels like being overweight….
went running for 46 km a week down to nothing and stuffing every single thing in the fridge into my mouth… like the soul needed another skin to protect itself from what is still to come!! but i found comfort in talking to all my friends, family, especially my best friend r.!!!
thank you all – life is beautiful!!
